Let's Get Cookin'!

Cooking in the kitchen with John. This isn’t the first time I’ve cooked.

I don’t really remember the first time I got to cook. I mainly watch people cook but not actually cook.

Maybe it’s because… I tend to burn donuts instead of regular food. This one time, the power went out and it came back on and I tried to set the timer/clock. But, Mom had put [Krispy Kreme] donuts in there and I didn’t know about them. I was just trying to fix the clock and instead hit start. They turned out Krispy Black, so it wasn’t that fresh.

In Middle School, we had Home Ec, but I don’t think she was a great teacher. Well, she wasn’t doing it right. We were trying to make popcorn on the stove [without a lid]. Mom came in and helped so we could have a lid without it popping everywhere [by using a wet dish towel]. Sometimes you need help.

You gotta prepare for cooking, know what you’re cooking and when; make sure everything’s all measured out. When you’re in the kitchen making things you have to go to that recipe if you want it to turn out right. You have to find the ingredients and figure out what kinda stuff you put in it for the food to taste good. Measuring is important because you have to know if you’re putting half a cup or a full cup. You have to know how to put just the right amount to make it better, make sure it tastes good. That’s correct. Nobody likes to eat bad food.

Real cooking [when John didn’t just watch], I used Mexican and Italian Cookbooks. It’s been a while since I had my own books, but those were the first ones I had. Sometimes I made spaghetti and sometimes pizza… Mexcian-wise we made Mexican rice and Mexican pizza. You can make all kinds of things. And I guess it’s the first time I really think I remember cooking.

But, I didn’t really know how to cook. So, now it’s my first time back in the kitchen. I get to pick out recipes. We found some cookbooks like The Simpsons, Linda McCartney’s and are looking for some more. That time, we made Fried Rice [Vegetarian Fried Rice, from Linda McCartney’s Family Kitchen Cookbook] and Brownies [Big Pile of Brownies, from The Unofficial Simpsons Cookbook].

This time we’re making Mac N’ Cheese [Baked Macaroni and Cheese, from Linda McCartney’s] and Dessert Eclairs [La Bombe Eclairs, from The Simpsons]. It’s the first time I’ve done it, but I like the blasting [pulsing] in the processor [John says through smiles while using a food processor]. There are many gadgets to make this easier: from the one-handed egg cracking tool to the finger guard and measuring spoons [thank you, Amazon].

When you cook, sometimes you get tired. Especially when you stir, your arm gets real tired, but you can change hands back and forth from left to right. If your hand gets tired, that’s ok so you can just switch. It’s important to drink water and to keep drinking a lot to stay hydrated too.

What food do I like to eat?

Meat. Steak’s my favorite and also Pork Chops; I like ‘em [pork chops] fried. I also like Fish and Chicken Fingers or Fried Chicken.

And Sides? Oh, well, Macaroni and Cheese, of course. And, Rice. Sometimes, Corn, I like it both ways, corn on the cob and off the cob. [Do you like any vegetables?] Vegetables… well, there’re so many of those. I only like them with other things pretty much, like Broccoli, Peas and Black-eyed Peas. But, I’m not much on the Okra. I like Cabbage too.

Food to make?

Sometimes fish, and chicken, if it’s fresh. I’ve never made steak before, but I think I’d like to try to make that.

My perfect meal would be Steak with Steak Sauce, Rice with Gravy and Green Broccoli with Butter. Cause butter makes everything taste better.

A little advice?

If you’re cooking for the first time, make sure you use the right ingredients, don’t put the wrong ones in. Make it proper if you want it to taste good. I was scared at first, but now, no! You get better the more you do it. So go get in the kitchen!

~ John Joyner

Making Mom Hoppy

My mom was a prissy lady – always fixing her hair, putting on her make-up, and making sure her clothes were perfectly matched; and she made sure that I went by the rules! 

You know them– can't wear white after Labor Day; ladies—no hats after 5 in the afternoon.  And God forbid you should go ‘potty’ without turning on the faucet so no one would hear you. Those were the ‘rules’ I’m talking about.  

My dad was a “man’s man.” He loved fishing, hunting, and the occasional drink with the guys. Even killing an alligator wasn’t unknown to him. You get the point. He was forever coming home with something weird for my mom to prepare – squirrel, all kinds of fish, venison, crab, duck, and shellfish, frequently lobster and shrimp. She would make him do all the prep-work and she would reluctantly prepare the dishes involved. Most of them I ate and most of them were delicious.  

One evening, after a long day out with his drinking buddies, my father came home and handed my mom a bag with something in it. She looked in the bag and was shocked to find—to her surprise—frog legs!  

“Oh, my goodness, Frankie! I am not gonna fix those things. That’s disgusting!” 

So, after they exchanged a few choice words, my mom turned around with the bag in hand and headed for the kitchen. I heard the rattling of pots and pans and before you know it, the sound of sizzling in a pan. 

It was just a little while later that my mom called my dad to come eat. He sat down at the table where she had placed a heaping helping of those frog legs. Within a few bites, he was in “frog leg” heaven. He cleaned that plate like it was his last supper, licking his fingers as he went. 

We watched him till the very last bite and without saying a word, my mom walked to the table, picked up the pan, walked to the trash can, popped the lid open by the foot pedal, and dropped the pan right in the trash. She just turned around and gave Dad that look.  

She didn’t utter a word. 

He didn’t utter a word. 

I didn’t utter a word. 

NO – we did not remove the pan from the trash. We just let that one go! For, we both had the feeling that if we took it from the trash, Mom just might use it on Dad. 

Did my dad ever bring home another frog leg surprise in a bag like that? Not on your life (or more precisely, his life)! 

Not saying that he didn’t bring home other bags of surprises but frog legs were certainly not among them. 

Those frying pans can get expensive!