Winnie the What Now?!

I’ve been friends with my buddy Clay since we were three years old. Pictures exist of us in kindergarten in complimentary Bugs Bunny and Donald Duck costumes. So… you know… we were tight.

After I moved to a different part of town, we became reacquainted in high school and our parents did too. If there is one thing that we did share, it was a love of Disney.

A couple of times a year, Clay and Carol (his momma) and myself and my mom would hop in a vehicle and tour all corners of the Magic Kingdom and its outlying areas.

I have sooooo many memories of the funky adventures that we had all over but most were in the Orlando area. Just to highlight a few…

· Carol, lip-syncing Elton John with a napkin on her head late night at Taco Bell.

· Tara – my high school sweetheart – trying to get into the wrong car at a rest stop.

· Ginny – another high school traveling pal – getting lost when she was looking at koi in the koi pond.

· My own mother, yelling at me that she didn’t have the three hundred dollars that she later admitted to having.

Like I said… I’m lousy with stories this side of funny. I’m sure that in later writings —right here, we’ll uncover some of the hilarity. There was one that stands out above the rest.

At the end of the day, Carol loves to laugh. Even more so, if you get Carol laughing, it’s hard to get her to stop. Not that you’d want to.

On one of our many trips, on the way home, Carol decided she was going to tell a joke. A dirty one at that.

And so, six hours outside of Charleston, South Carolina, it began...

“The first day of first grade, the teacher stands in front of her class. She says to her students, ‘Hello, class. Since you’re moving from kindergarten into grade school, we’ll be using more adult words. Who wants to tell about their summer vacation?’”

“After saying this, Shaun stands up and runs to the front of the class.”

“’Alright, Shaun. Tell us about your summer vacation.’”

“Shaun starts, ‘I went to visit my aunt and rode on a choo choo.’”

“The teacher stops him and says, ‘Not a choo choo but a…’”

“’A train.’”

“’A train. That’s right.’”

Around this point, Carol starts to chuckle. And chuckle. And chuckle. And can’t stop.

It was miles and miles and arriving in Georgia before we’d hear the next part.

“The next child went to the front of the class and the teacher says, ‘Tammy, tell us about your summer vacation.’”

“Tammy starts, ‘This summer, I visited a farm and got to milk a moo moo.’”

“The teacher stops Tammy. ‘Tammy, not a moo moo, but a—‘”

“’A cow.’”

“’Right, a cow,’ the teacher replied.”

Again, we lose Carol. Whether it was knowing what was coming in the end or having our rapt attention, she couldn’t stop laughing.

It wouldn’t be before we broke through the South Carolina border before the third act of this spectacular theatrically-presented joke was to be presented.

“One of the other boys in the class, Dylan, would proudly march up to the front of the classroom. He didn’t need any help from the teacher.”

“’This summer… my parents and I… went to Disney World… And…”

“Hehehehehehehhehehehehehehheheheh.” A high pitch cackle permeated the entire van. It was emanating from Carol. And it wouldn’t stop. “Heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh.” This was… special.

And slightly deafening. It wasn’t until we pulled into the driveway...

“’This summer my parents and I went to Disney World and we met Winnie the S---!’”

You can fill in the rest.

The entire car burst into a mixture of tears and laughter, some of them due to the joke finally being completed, others due to the shrieking that was coming out of Carol. You never heard such slightly blue language coming from a tight-lipped Baptist woman. Especially not in Sunday school. But this wasn’t Sunday school at all. So, it’s okay.

There are many Disney/Carol stories to go around. And they’re all true. As the old sea shanty goes…

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads

A whale of a tale or two

'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved

On nights like this with the moon above

A whale of a tale and it's all true

I swear by my tattoo.

Disney might have said that it all started with a Mouse, this adventure ends in a bear covered in honey among many other unspeakable things.

~ Brandon L. Joyner